September 11th

I had a pretty uneventful day. Not a good day, but not an awful one. Then I got home.

I knew what would be all over the television tonight. I didn't plan to watch. I haven't watched it for the past 4 years, and I didn't plan to do it tonight. But we started watching the National Geographic Channel and I got wrapped up. I can believe how it made me feel. I remember Sept. 11, 2001 very clearly. I remember the night before. I stayed with my friend Chelsea in downtown Nashville. Anyone who knows me well knows what stage of my life I was in at that point in time. Enough said there. I drove back to Hendersonville the next morning about 8am. I heard on the radio when the first plane hit the first tower. They didn't know that it wasn't an accident. By the time I got back home and turned on the TV, the second was about to hit. I saw it. I went and woke up Katie and Daddy. All I remember was sitting there in the den watching it all unfold. We had no concept of what was going on, or at least it seems like we didn't looking back. I don't remember feeling much emotion watching it. It was scary I suppose, but at the time, it was unclear what it all meant. The shock prevented me from feeling much emotion.

I drove to work later that day. They had practically shut down everything in downtown Nashville. All the govt. builidings were closed and much of the rest of downtown as I remember. I worked at the Doubletree and we had TV's set up in common areas of the hotel and there were stranded travelers everywhere...stunned...sobbing. It was crazy and sad and at the same time absolutely numbing.

A few days later when they allowed air traffic to resume I remember sitting on I-65 in rush hour traffic that first morning. There was a plane, we all saw it. The strangest single experience I'd ever had sitting in traffic. Everyone was frozen, watching that plane. Like it was a bomb, not a plane. I'll never forget it.

Tonight when Mark and I sat watching the footage, 5 years later. I found myself shaking. Shivering like it was freezing cold in the house, but it wasn't. I suppose now it's more evident the impact that day had than it was on the actual day. It's clearer now how absolutely awful that day was. It freaked me out a little...how I responded to it tonight. I don't typically agree with the media replaying that stuff. I don't know that I agree with it still, but it was powerful stuff to watch it again. Here I am, way down here in Tennessee, but that really affected me. It still does, apparently. It did change my life in ways I could never have known at the time. I saw a husband off to war. I saw him come back not nearly the same as he was when he left. My sister has a husband over there now. I have a lot more I could say about that, but it would just come out angry, so I'll leave it at this. I don't agree with this war. I can not make myself agree. I tried really hard when Lee was there fighting, but it was half-hearted. I don't agree. It keeps me awake that my brother-in-law is there. I hate it for Laura and the kids. I hate it for all involved. And I'm involved. War is just an ugly thing. I'm not a terribly political person, but I just can't stand it sometimes. It just seems wrong. Sorry for the heaviness of this post. I've always had an opinion on this. Watching that tonight just set me off. September 11 was a terrible, terrible thing. I'm just not sure the war in Iraq is helping at all. In fact, it may be hurting more than it helps.