Well...in a couple of days anyway. I know it'll be a busy few days for us, so I thought I'd get a post in now. I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas. We were a bit worn out, but really enjoyed getting to see everyone. I just hated that we had to leave so soon. I really miss getting to hang out with my whole family at the same time.
We have a new addition to our little family...a feline one. So, now we're back up to 4...bordering again on "crazy cat people" status LOL. I'll post a picture as soon as I download one from the camera. Kind of a long story about how we ended up with this one, but he's really a sweetheart. He loves me...even more than Mark. Which is significant only because the others all prefer Mark to me. He's a bit malnourished looking, but I'm sure we'll fatten him up in no time if our other cats are any indication. Oh, and we've named him Hambone (yes, Laura, I got that from you...hope you don't mind).
We're having a New Year's party at our house. We did last year too, but we didn't have much of a turnout. This year is looking like we'll have a rather large turnout. Which is fine with us! We'll just have to line people up on the floor in sleeping bags because I don't think anyone will be leaving. We've got a lot to do before Sunday afternoon, but we're looking forward to it. We love having parties.
And here I'm going to get little thoughtful...Laura, you may want to avert your eyes LOL!
I was thinking last week while I was driving all over creation for work...I don't think I've ever been happier in my life. I would never have thought I'd have ended up where I am...geographically, professionally or emotionally, but I'm very, very happy. I love Martin, I love our house, I enjoy my job, and my marriage is great.
I think I had a very false idea of what marriage would be and I've really let go of that idea. It's nothing like I thought it would be, it's much more mundane I guess, but that's not a bad thing. It's just much less dramatic and much more secure and comfortable. And while I see Mark ALL the time since we work together, we've adjusted to that and I understand now when he needs some space. So I give him a little space and I find that I need a little space too. So it works out. And while sometimes we get on eachother's nerves, I don't get so wound up about it anymore. It's just nice. I'm very comfortable and very happy.
But it's not just my marriage, it's me. I just feel comfortable with me. I just am who I am I guess. I've changed alot and I realize that, I'd say it's all been for the better. But I don't feel alot of need to change now. I'm sure I still will, that's kind of inevitable, but I'm comfortable being me now. I have a confidence in myself that I never had before and it comes in handy at work and in my social life. I think I have more friends now than I've ever had, and I really enjoy the circle of friends that Mark and I have. I think that's a lot of the reason why I like Martin so much. It's just all so nice.
I'd say there are still things missing in my life, but I struggle alot less with that. I just feel much more peace than I ever have before. Every now and then I'll catch myself thinking about all this and it almost catches me off guard...this is what happy feels like. I know it all sounds very cheesy, but I've struggled alot with depression and I honestly thought I might never really be happy, that I'd never know what it meant to be happy. So, it makes me stop and think and it makes me extremely thankful. I had moments of happiness or contentment before, but now I have moments of not being happy or content. Because by far these days I am content way more often than I'm not. Life is good and that's such a great way to start the New Year. I wish you all the same! Happy New Year!
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5 comments:
Happy New Year! I'm so happy that you are happy! :o) It was good seeing you at Christmas if only briefly. I was telling Jennifer and Laura how its never quite the same unless its all of us together. I'm looking forward to vacation for that reason :o). Hope your party turns out well! Love you!
I think Katie just echoed what I was thinking about us all being together.
I too am very pleased with your happiness. Life can have it's trials and you have had yours... you deserve what you have and I am thankful that you are now feeling that contentment that I am sure you were searching for.
And from one of her Martin friends here, we adore her. She has blessed all of us.
Awww, Hambone is a cute name for a kitty!
I didn't avert my eyes, I read right through. I'm happy you're happy. I think I kind of saw what you were referring to about the false idea when you were with Lee, but that's not something that could be pointed out, you had to see it for yourself. What you've described sounds like the contentedness I consider happiness if you will. Happy to me seems fleeting and a bit of an extreme emotion, so I really like content.
I hope your party is fun and you have a good turnout.
I think we all felt like something was missing the last few days your sisters were here and I'm sure it was you. The 4 of you (to me) have always "come alive" when you are all together. You are all so unique and so similar that as your Dad said, it is wonderful just to sit back and watch you all interact.
I agree I would have never have expected you to find happiness in Martin, but sometimes it's those out of the way places that can offer the unexpected. As for your job, I think you have talents that you have yet to discover or admit you have...but you will.
Happy New Year to you and Mark!!
XOXO
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